Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Mood

Since I strive to blog in all honesty I will tell you that today, I don't like you. This week has been full of ups and downs and in my state of extreme emotions, I'm not sure I can handle it. I want to feel like a regular person again, with regular people emotions. My blood pressure has been creeping up since my appointment last week. I spent all day yesterday in the hospital hooked to monitors with a grumpy nurse and I collected all of my pee for a full twenty-four hours. To no avail. I still have no baby and no one can tell me when I will. Why am I paying these people again? My mom and Burger both have to work to live, so I am left handling most of my appointments by myself. Which has been fine up until this week. Now I have an incredibly strong urge to not be alone. Ever. I can't really explain it, because I know in my head everything will be perfectly fine. I know how to use a phone if something does happen, and the chances of anything actually happening is extremely low. I try not to say anything because I know they would like to come with me and be with me twenty-four hours a day (so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, because I'm not sure anyone would want to be around me at all at this point. I'm a little hard to get along with right now) and I don't want them to feel bad to have to tell me no and see the tears well up in my eyes. Because I know they can't help it, they have to work! So today, even though I am supposed to be on bed rest, I think Jacob and I will go out in public. A nice jaunt around the mall or to Barnes and Noble to enjoy some train play. I'm not sure what we will decide to do, but I think it will be healthier for both of us to get out a bit. Wish us luck and tomorrow can only get better.

1 comment:

mandydake said...

Ohhhhhhhhhh HUGS! Just remember you are baking that sweet Baby Girl and she will come when she is ready...

And be thankful that you aren't lugging around two in there.. If you think one is miserable, OY!

Make sure to post Baby Photos and updates ASAP.