Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Since I strive to blog in all honesty I will tell you that today, I don't like you. This week has been full of ups and downs and in my state of extreme emotions, I'm not sure I can handle it. I want to feel like a regular person again, with regular people emotions. My blood pressure has been creeping up since my appointment last week. I spent all day yesterday in the hospital hooked to monitors with a grumpy nurse and I collected all of my pee for a full twenty-four hours. To no avail. I still have no baby and no one can tell me when I will. Why am I paying these people again? My mom and Burger both have to work to live, so I am left handling most of my appointments by myself. Which has been fine up until this week. Now I have an incredibly strong urge to not be alone. Ever. I can't really explain it, because I know in my head everything will be perfectly fine. I know how to use a phone if something does happen, and the chances of anything actually happening is extremely low. I try not to say anything because I know they would like to come with me and be with me twenty-four hours a day (so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, because I'm not sure anyone would want to be around me at all at this point. I'm a little hard to get along with right now) and I don't want them to feel bad to have to tell me no and see the tears well up in my eyes. Because I know they can't help it, they have to work! So today, even though I am supposed to be on bed rest, I think Jacob and I will go out in public. A nice jaunt around the mall or to Barnes and Noble to enjoy some train play. I'm not sure what we will decide to do, but I think it will be healthier for both of us to get out a bit. Wish us luck and tomorrow can only get better.